Brexit, Parody

A Parody: The #Brexit Tapes… inside a fictional Cabinet Brexit Committee…

Following our in-depth analysis of the negotiations: Brexit: Taking Stock, in last week’s blog: we thought we might offer a humorous take on the what many see as the at times almost farcical nature of much of the UK government’s approach to Brexit.

This post is written in that light-hearted spirit.

We will return to our more usual considered critical analysis of the process and the negotiations from next week. Enjoy and feel free to share


Cabinet roomTHE BREXIT TAPES (?)

The scene: A British Brexit cabinet subcommittee

The cast of characters:

  • Davis: Davis (David “Danger” Davis, head of the Brexit Expeditionary Force, tasked with extracting the UK from the EU)
  • BoJo: Boris “BoJo” Johnson, Secretary of State for upsetting foreigners
  • The Govey: The Environment Secretary and one time “man who would be king” and then the man would be a political assassin.
  • Fox: Dr Liam Fox, Minister responsible for trying to make trade deals with former colonies and places as far away as possible. The fourth member of a gang of three.
  • Hammond: “Big Phil” Hammond, the moneyman and middle man. Sits on the fence with both ears to the ground.
  • The Maybot: The hapless Prime Minister. Is in the chair for the meeting, but not in control. This is effectively a non-speaking role. The others only let stay in place because they cannot agree among themselves who should replace her. She can ask questions. Just about.

[We enter the meeting as Danger Davis, the Brexit Secretary, is about to speak…]

This week we flushed out a series of memos from Brussels High Command (BHC) to businesses here in the UK.

Ah, bravo old chap… a daring “Mission Impossible” raid on Barnier’s office in the Berlaymont?

No, it was even more daring… we read them on the Internet. We’ve cracked the code and now know how to get the computers to work and google the internet.

You wouldn’t believe what you can find… but I didn’t download any of “that” stuff.

BHC is telling UK businesses to get ready for a “No Deal” Brexit in March 2019. After that date their licences to operate in the EU will no longer be valid, personal data cannot be transferred from the EU to the UK, as we will be a “third country”.

Truck drivers won’t be able to cross the Channel. Not sure if 007 would still have a licence to kill, they didn’t mention that.

The Govey:               [Pauses his game of Assassins Creed on the iPad]

A good thing surely. A clean break from the evil empire.

Nice to know that they are getting our “No Deal is Better than a Bad Deal” position.

No, no, no. We are the ones who have to threaten “no deal”. Continue reading